Sigma Male: The Wise and Silent Force Behind Masculine Leadership

Why Masculinity Doesn't Have to Fit into the Alpha/ Beta Dichotomy

photo found in wikimedia commons by Quarti

THANK YOU for being here and investing some of your time in my substack- I just reached over 700 subscribers which feels like something to celebrate🙏😊

Today’s share is on the sigma male:

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Why would I even talk about alpha males, beta males, sigma males? Isn’t this just dumb pop psychology?

Well this topic is actually pretty cool and is helping me understand:

• Men don’t have to be stuck in the dichotomy of alpha/ beta.

• Badass warriors don’t need to be ‘alpha.’

• Kings can rule quietly.

• Leaders can lead in the background without being ‘beta.’

• Masculine men don’t need to imitate alpha men.

I’m at the coffee shop now and a man just moved a heavy couch for me, made sure my laptop was plugged into the outlet, while smiling at me with charisma and warmth.

As a woman, it feels nice when a man is generous and chivalrous like this! Alphas like to lead, provide, and stand out with their generosity. A lot of us women are finding we love alpha males.

The problem is when a man doesn’t identify as an alpha, he gets labeled as ‘beta’ or ‘simp,’ which just honestly seems overarching and a bit cruel.

So I was fascinated by this lesser known category- the ‘sigma’ male:

If the alpha is the wolf and the beta is the sheep, the sigma is said to be like the dog who can protect himself against the wolf and guard the sheep in an invisible way.

Sigmas lead without needing to be seen. You could say they are the wise and silent force behind masculine leadership.

They aren’t the loudest in the room, or imposing their opinions on others. They don’t force authority onto situations.

They lead without drawing attention to themselves. They don’t need to climb the ladder or seek social validation, yet they are not submissive or weak in any way. They are FREE.

Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty could be the Sigma anthem lol:

Sigmas embody healthy power, not force.

They may be described as a ‘lone wolf’ or ‘anti-hero,’ but never a follower. They simply choose to play by their own rules, which makes them fiercely independent and strong in their own way.

Here are some traits of a sigma male:

• Doesn’t need to be popular

• Values freedom over fitting into the hierarchy

• Prefers to rely on himself than seek help from others

• Doesn’t like superficiality, prefers deep and meaningful connections so has fewer friends

• Wants quality over quantity

• Will choose quiet nights in over big dinner parties

• Won’t try to take over like an alpha

• Observes the situation before jumping in

• Doesn’t care about ‘being the best’

• Leads from behind the scenes

• Has a ‘true to himself’ vibe

• Isn’t motivated by hive mind or ‘groupthink’

• He experiences isolation sometimes as a trade off for his inner security

I think the discovery of the sigma male is refreshing and balances out the gap between where feminism has encouraged men to be more submissive (beta) and femininity wants men to be more dominant (alpha). Those of us who simply enjoy men who can think for themselves can reflect on this space where sigma males exist.

Thoughts??

xo,

Tara

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Other Cool Stuff:

Joe, the man I’m dating came up with a list of topics to write about. One was ‘What is an Awakened Masculine?’ and I realized I was completely stumped on that LOL. So I am polling men to get unbiased data- if you’d like to provide your perspective, head on over to my notes :)

xo,

Tara