Hi and thanks for following along…this week’s share is a video and an essay about something I heard on a radio show while driving to work:
RECAP
This morning I heard a radio show that left me a little horrified.
People reach out to this show to get their significant other to reveal if they’re cheating.
A woman named Rachel called in and said her boyfriend Dylan had been staying at his office working late, and something ‘felt off.’
(First red flag- rather than bring this complaint to him privately in a respectful way, she calls a radio station to do a prank on him. Yikes!)
The radio people call Dylan, tell him he’s won a giveaway and gets free flowers delivered to anyone he wants, he just has to tell them the name/ address of the woman. So he says sure, okay…send the flowers to Emily and you can write on the card ‘Thanks for being my partner in crime!’
All hell breaks loose, Rachel and the hosts accuse him of cheating. He stands up for himself, saying look this is a woman who works with me in the office on a tough project, she’s been putting in lots of extra hours and I wanted to extend a gesture of appreciation.
He says screw this, you called a radio show instead of talk to me like a grown up(?) He hangs up to gather his belongings, move out, and end the relationship. He could no longer trust her.
INSIGHTS
I UNDERSTAND why Rachel’s mad…SHE’s his significant other and of course any woman in her right mind would want HER man to send HER roses. Because, after all, isn’t SHE the one inspiring him above all other women?
Maybe not.
I’d bet money that Emily was inspiring him more- appreciating him more, respecting his leadership/ workmanship more. Does this mean Emily is sleeping with him? NO. We don’t know the context. Emily could be twice his age, or happily married, or just a hard worker who deserves some damn flowers.
Does this mean Dylan should be PUNISHED for sending his coworker a gesture of appreciation?
What if Rachel had respected Dylan’s leadership and anyone else involved in it because they are also symbols of his sacrifice for HER, and she had given him appreciation instead of shade(?)
What if she had even admired him for being the kind of man that would give some flowers to a female coworker who helped him on a project, when the flowers were free via a silly contest.
Mind you, this man didn’t go out and plan or effort it, or strategize it. It was mindless and the giveaway provided it…he just went with it as a simple gesture of thanks for this woman’s help on a WORK PROJECT.
But his choice points us to the reality that a man’s mind does indeed go in the direction of where he’s needed, valued, appreciated, and respected vs. toward energy that’s suspicious, self-righteous, or disrespecting of his leadership and hard work.
A few final thoughts:
Sister wound- clearly this points to a huge sister wound in the collective, where women have so little faith in each other that their mind immediately goes to ‘she’s sleeping with my man!’ instead of ‘she respects him while also respecting me like a sister. Glad he thanked her with some flowers.’ We still think the worst unfortunately, and often relate to other women from insecurity when it comes to the man we’re with. What do you think women can do to heal this? (Thoughts??)
Respecting/ venerating men’s leadership- sadly, the woman had no concept of venerating her man, honoring him for his leadership and work ethic and seeing it as kingly. Instead, she blamed him for it, and even created a whole false accusation around it based on little context.
Mistrust- She went into the whole thing from a place of paranoia. If the guy had actually cheated on her in the past it’s one thing, but she imagined this from her own insecurities.
Evidence- Make sure there’s real evidence, unlike this case where it was just blowing smoke and accusations based on a note and speculating a gesture to ‘mean something’ when it didn’t.
“Partner in crime”- In the note Dylan said ‘Thanks for being my partner in crime.’ It’s rare that a man would use ‘partner’ as a romantic gesture, and honestly ‘partner’ is a turn off for many traditional men who would consider ‘partner’ in the friend zone. ‘Partner in crime’ on the note indicates to me that it was platonic (Some might argue that ‘crime’ could’ve indicated cheating/ an affair) I think if he was sleeping with her he would have said something more flirty/ sexual.
A gesture of appreciation. A gesture of appreciation, folks. That’s all this was. I think it’s important to see how something so small can be blown up and misrepresented by an insecure mind, and the destruction this creates by women who are letting insecurity run the show.
Thoughts??
1-1 King Making Support
The king making sessions have been going amazing! I’m so grateful to get to keep doing this…humbling to masculinity and learning as I go. I have one opening so reach out to me directly if interested :)
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